Sunday, 16 December 2012

Senseless Murders Answer

Last night I felt a resounding cry that struck a nation and my world.
Mother dead, son dead, 6 teachers dead and 20 innocent children also blown away.

Mental illness, I have to take a stand I cannot sit by idly and watch this happen again.
Maybe I can change the world.
Where people with mental issues get noticed and not tossed aside.
Thinking they dont matter, then why now do you hide?

These children need help NOW so they can be.
Productive members in our society.
Its not about me, its all about them.
They feel their being fed into a lions den.

Autism, Aspergers Adhd it doesnt matter.
These children need our help its plain to see.

Lets help them now, so we dont babysit them when.
They should be off at college not laying round in bed.
Just waiting for a cheque they didnt work to earn.
"Here's your money cause we let you slip through the cracks"
Sorry it wasnt your turn.

These words are unthinkable.
So perhaps we should try it.
Reach out a hand, make a change
Before the next riot.

Goverment stand up
You should give money from your pockets
To keep this world spinning round
To help these people rock this
Who cares about fireworks
When people inside are dying
Taking lives cause its to late
Their already died inside and now they devastate

Stand up and make a change
We all should advocate
And maybe then the future will turn
We cannot afford to repeat this mistake.


Saturday, 15 December 2012

You been bullied? Hurt? Carried alot of baggage?

If you have been bullied? hurt? or are carrying baggage. Then this I send out for YOU!

I have no secret sin, I told a trusted person in my church everything and I had some dark deep crap inside me and she accepted and hugged me and prayed for me. And I confessed it all to Christ and without Him I seriously would not be here right now. I am  blessed and you can be to, this is truth. And it will set you free if you let it.
Thank you God! You came to us free, and I accept You. All of You!

Devastation and Questions

After Conn shooting I cannot help but think 3 things.

1. I cannot help but pray for the families and friends of the ones who died. 1 child gone here is horrible and made our community mourn but this is just to many children taken so quickly.

2. Was this guy bullied? If he was, what could have been done to change this possibly? Bullying tortures people, and to me this was a lash out of torture.

3. Was this guy engrossing himself in violence? If all you watch is violence and play video games killing people then you eventually do become desensitized. And again, this could have been averted I think we have to watch because what comes in definitely comes out and this is just not worth it.

We have to do what we can to make a difference in this world. As messed up as it is, there is hope. As much as Christmas does not feel like Christmas to me this year the meaning is stronger to me than ever. And I am so thankful for Jesus coming to earth for us. Because from all I am seeing right now, we need Him more than ever.

I know I do.

Skit Guys beautiful video "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus"

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Guilt and Fear

Dear Guilt and Fear,

I just suddenly have realised the grasp you have had in all my years. How many years you both have blatantly stolen from me. I choose to live without regrets, but I pray now that God will redeem this time back to me.

You suck,
Shekinah K.

OK OK Seriously now!

Some days I wish I had not told my mother anything that goes on in my town. Last week we had a tragic death of a child 9 years old who made a terrible mistake that cost his life, and this child was a schoolmate/friend of my son's. So I did mention it to my mom because we were visiting them and my son was acting out, and it just made sense that that may be why.
So my mother calls me today. And tells me how "if it was a murder I would move!". 
My parents live in one of the most dangerous area of their city. Have had dead bodies found not even 2 blocks from their home, arson across the street including murder. And I am supposed to move?!

Then it hit me after we were finished talking (Thank God, I love my mother but she was on a path I did not wish to walk with her on). I see now, she had steeped me in a life of fear and guilt all my life living with her and now trying on the phone apart.
When I was little the morbid and terrifying things she would come up with. The crazy (literally) things she sometimes said. It now is obvious, as I see my own mothering. That she really said and did some horrible things. For instance, her tone on the phone was "if your not looking to move, then your crazy and you'll regret it because I mentioned it!". 
When I live in an awesome small town, almost everyone knows everyone. I cannot walk down the street of my town without bumping into and making small talk with at least 8 people I know in any given half an hour!
And I love it!!! I love that my family is known here, that we nod as elderly people pass. That my church is strong and very united (far from perfect but close knit). I feel blessed here, I feel placed here. And here my mother says MOVE. Nooo mom, moving is not for us.

Now the problem is, after being steeped in fear for so long. I am not the mom I wish to be sometimes. I say things and I hear my mothers voice coming out of me. I feel the fear and the warnings to give my children that just may be fear inducing to them. This world is a sad and crazy place sometimes. I have to ask though, how much warning do we give a child that they could be kidnapped? Am I keeping them aware of the danger? Or am I steeping my own children in fear as my mother did, and her mother did and who knows?

This is something I have to deal with for me and my life. To only better their lives.
I have to turn it around and let things go and learn to somehow live without worrying "what if".
The present and have not seen eye to eye often. I look back or fear whats ahead and prep for what has never been yet. Even if I did prepare for it, would help lighten the pain? The truth is NO.
No one can prepare for the loss of a child, like two of my friends have had to bare. Nothing prepares you for that.
Then why do I live in the constant state of fear? Will today be the day Lord I lose one of my precious ones?
That's not how God wants me to live. That's not why Jesus died on the cross for my sins and came back from the grave! Its supposed to be freedom! It was for freedom He set me free, and you free.
I need to walk in that. 
Let go and let God. Jesus take the Wheel. There's gotta be more to life (Stacy Orrico)

(takes a cleansing breath)
I want to live in the present, cause the past isn't taking me anywhere I wish to go.
Shekinah K.



My name is Shekinah I am Christian, a wife (He is a trucker) and mother of 4 (8 Son, 3 Daughter, 2 Daughter, 10 months Daughter). I also am an advocate for Autism (my son has Autism and husband has Aspergers) so its a huge part of my life.

Well I am a stay at home mom that sells Herbalife whenever the mood strikes me.
A pinterest~aholic
Ex - Shopaholic (its pretty much under control now)
TOTAL chocoholic
And all around messed up human being just searching for God's grace, because I am sooo far from perfect. 
My biggest philosophy is to live thankfully in whatever comes. Even though I live in fear...but more on that later on.

Join me in my ups and downs, my epiphanies and tragedies (hopefully not many).

And I will allow you to see into my harried yet hilarious life.
Shekinah K.